


Oceans

by JetpackingPenguin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Jessica Queller leave Supergirl challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 22:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetpackingPenguin/pseuds/JetpackingPenguin
Summary: Post 3x17. A short break up and make up fic





	Oceans

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Oceans by Seafret when I wrote this. And I couldn't think of a title, so it's Oceans. This is honestly a mess but I was very upset and messed around. This is my first one-shot.

L-Corp was silent. The lab she kept Sam in was wrecked. Broken.

 

The security guards were gone for the night. The janitorial staff was gone. James was gone. There was no one left to play a part for. She could allow herself to mourn.

 

Reign escaped and was twice as powerful. Supergirl didn’t trust her and had James break into her lab. To spy on her. All in all, this was shaping up to be a very shitty month.

 

Lena swallowed a mouthful of wine. Bitter. Burning.

 

And Kara. _Kara_.

 

Lena took another long draught of wine, not bothering to taste it.

 

The last time Lena was this upset, drunk on wine and self-loathing, Kara was there to walk her off the edge. Kara always believed in her. But now she’d driven Kara Danvers away.

 

Soft sounds of boots hitting the balcony made her head snap up. She half expected Reign- Sam- to finish the job. Tie up the loose end and punish the Luthor for her many sins.

 

Instead, it was a familiar red cape and golden curls. Supergirl.

 

_That's not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family._

 

Lena’s mouth twisted at the memory.

 

Supergirl planted both fists on her hips. Chin up. Her mask on.

 

“What can I do for you, Supergirl?” Lena stood from the couch, setting her glass down on the table. She straightened her dress, folded her hands in front of her. Poised.

 

Supergirl’s mask cracked. She twisted her fingers, looking down at her hands uncertainty. Not Supergirl behavior. Nervousness.

 

Lena half expected her to reach up for glasses that weren’t there.

 

“Lena. I feel like- I need to tell you-”

 

“You’re Kara Danvers. I know.”

 

Silence.

 

Supergirl- Kara’s- mouth dropped open.

 

“How did you know?”

 

Lena smiled wryly. “I suspected for a while. But I really _knew_ during those three weeks with Reign. Sam’s not the only one who’s disappearances coincided with Reign. Supergirl’s did too, with you.” Lena paced across the length of the room. “And then it was putting together the pieces. I should have guessed it sooner.”

 

“You didn’t say anything.”

 

“It was your secret to keep. You would tell me when you wanted to- if you wanted to. Until I realized you kept it from me because you didn’t _trust me_ -”

 

“No Lena. That’s not it.”

 

“-And then you had James break into LCorp.”

 

James. Kind James. James, who she really _should_ like- logically, desperately wanted to like- but _couldn’t_. She wasn’t miserable with James. She didn’t hate his company and she wouldn’t hate being with him. That meant something right? She was told there was chemistry. But she felt nothing. Was that another lie, Kara?

 

“What have I gotten wrong?” Lena crossed her arms. Defensive. Protective. Across her heart.

 

“I don’t owe anyone my identity,” Kara said, softly. Matter of fact.

 

“No, you don’t,” Lena agreed. “Just like I didn’t owe you Sam’s.”

 

Lena stared into the blue eyes of her friend. Supergirl. Kara Danvers. Some amalgamation of the two. Where did one end and the other begin? Was Kara Danvers a mask? Was her friend even real?

 

She loved Kara- loves Kara- and it was killing her. Poisoning her from the inside. A Pestilence of a different kind. The lovesick kind.

 

Kara regrouped, gathering herself. “You kept Kryptonite. The one thing that can kill me,” she accused.

 

“And I would never use it against you,” Lena said. “It kept Reign contained. For three weeks I gathered vital information. The ends justify the means.”

 

Supergirl was shaking her head, her hair flying with the violence of it. “No, no it doesn’t. Lena, you don’t believe that.”

 

“Yes. I do. This is where we agree to disagree, Supergirl.”

 

Lena crossed the room in quick strides, back to the couch and her wine. She picked up the glass, eager to have her hands doing something.

 

“I’d like you to go,” she ordered, not looking at her.

 

“Lena, I care about you. So much. You’re my best friend.”

 

Best _friend_. It stung. The word she’d used to comfort herself, _at least I’m her friend_ , cut into her. It hurt. Because were they friends? How could she be friends with someone she didn’t know? The thought dug deep. And she didn’t know what to do with it. A friend. How could she remove Kara? Like a barbed thorn dug deep into her skin, it would hurt more to rip it out. Rip her out of her life. A friend.

 

_Luthors don’t have friends. We have minions._

 

“And you’re mine,” Lena agreed. “But that doesn’t change things.” She downed the rest of her wine.

 

Kara- Supergirl- just stared at her. Her face twisted, spinning away before Lena could read it. With a soft push of displaced air, Kara took off into the night sky.

 

With Supergirl gone, Lena let her tight control over her emotions go. Jaw unclenching, hot tears burned her eyes down her face. Enough, Lena. You’re a Luthor. She inhaled sharply through her nose. She had work to do. Sam was still inside Reign, trapped. And Lena wouldn’t let her down.

 

\----

 

Avoiding Kara Danvers was easier said than done. At the end of the day, Lena was her boss. But with L-Corp CFO taking an extended leave of absence, Lena could delegate the CatCo work to James, while she stayed at L-Corp.

 

It was the perfect excuse to break off whatever was happening with James. For all her previous honesty, she chose a dishonest reason to end things.

 

_“I need to focus on Sam,” she justified._

 

_James had smiled, a sad, soft smile. Resignation. “I understand.”_

 

And with that she was free.

 

Returning to L-Corp was like returning home. Returning to a time when all she worried about was stepping out of Lex’s monstrous shadow. No World Killers. No Supergirl. Just her eternal Luthor born struggle.

 

Lena had been on the cusp of a discovery, before the other Worldkillers invaded her lab. If she could find the enzyme, she could destroy it. And with it, she would free Sam and eliminate the Worldkiller threat.

 

_You would be the Luthor who saved the world._

 

A guillotine was hovering over her neck. How long until Reign came for her? How long did she have?

 

She pinched the space between her eyes.

 

The soft swish of a cape and boots hitting the balcony sent her spine up straight. When the lasers of death didn’t come she relaxed.

 

“At first I lied to protect you.”

 

"You don't have to tell me-" Lena began.

 

"I want to."

 

Lena listened as the booted steps came closer.

 

"I lied to protect you," she repeated. "The less involvement you had with Supergirl, the better.”

 

Closer. Closer. Past her desk.

 

“And then, I didn’t tell you because I liked being just Kara.”

 

Lena swallowed, closing her eyes. Breathe. In and out.

 

“It’s not an excuse. But it’s a reason why.”

 

Supergirl- Kara- sat down on the white couch. Their couch. A veritable ocean between them.

 

But Lena wanted to close it. And she always would.

 

Lena stood up and made her way over to her, sitting beside her like she had done so many times before with the other woman’s alter-ego.

 

“I saw a way to help Sam. And I thought, so long as you didn’t know, the Kryptonite didn’t matter. I thought I could do it. But I was wrong.”

 

“We both made mistakes,” Kara said. Lena nodded.

 

Kara’s knee was almost touching Lena’s. Her hand resting on the pleats of her skirt. Warmth from her skin reaching out. Lena reached out and grabbed the woman’s hand.

 

Forgiveness.

 

Kara looked up at her, eyes blue, so blue, and so sad.

 

“I couldn’t lose you.” Lena’s breath froze in her lungs. What did that mean? Her heart twisted inside her chest. Longing. The constant ache throbbing in time with her drumming heartbeat.

 

Lena tightened her hand around Kara’s.

 

“I didn’t know why. But I think I understand. A little bit.” Thump, thump, thump. Her heart pounded in her throat.

 

“I couldn’t lose you, because I love you.”

 

Heart stuttering to a stop. Numb lips fumbled to respond. “I love you too, Kara.”

 

Her heart resumed its fearsome beating, to a familiar refrain. _Love me. Love me. Love me._

 

“I love you- as more than a friend. I’m in love with you.”

 

Lena couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe through the deluge of emotions.

 

“I love you too,” she gasped out.

 

“I’m still figuring out who I am. We need to stop Reign and get Sam back. But when this is over, I would like to figure it out. With you.”

 

And she could begin to breathe again. There was a lot to figure out, miles to go, but she didn’t have to do it alone.


End file.
